And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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