Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
