I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
