I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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