it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
