There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
