I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
