We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
