so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
