If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
