At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
