let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
