Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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