I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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