I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
