he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
