Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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