Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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