i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Text me some of your sweat
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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