i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
