At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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