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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
