The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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