A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
