I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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