I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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