I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
