"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
