that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
