Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
