Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
