girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
