Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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