I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
