I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
