Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
