I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
