i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
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