Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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