Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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