Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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