she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
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It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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