a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
