honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
