i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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