i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
