had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
