my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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