Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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