Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
