need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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