she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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