p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
