i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
