My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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