Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
