I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
