Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
