You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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