he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
