Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
