And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
