my mouth tastes like poor choices
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
