I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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