found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
