She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
