so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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