She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
