1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
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Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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