I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I CAN MOONWALK!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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