My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
