My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize