you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
