never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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