She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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