Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
