Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize